The trick is to keep breathing.

This is a documentation of my final year of college. I am about to get personal here. Probably bordering on the verge of whiny or "pitty party" worthy. You've been warned.




I cannot do anything right. Or at least this semester is themed around that idea. I am frustrated. I feel tangled up in knots, ropes, chains, whatever. If I had a knife, a key, maybe I could break free. I know it will all fall into place and the end of the semester will be the same as all the others. But I can't help worrying myself sick. Especially since I have felt this semester has been the weirdest of them all. I just want it to be over. It's dragging on... repeated nails on chalk board... I'm irritated. I feel hopeless. Can I not please anyone??? I'm a smart girl. I know what to do. I'm creative. But you'd think(judging by the things said to me by some teachers....it's more like bullying.) that I was some dumb, hopeless kid. I am not. So please stop trying to belittle me as if you are so much better than I am, my lovely teachers. Please, stop treating me as if I remind you of that girl who treated you like shit in high school, for I am not. You are too old to be acting this way toward me. As a teacher I feel it is their responsibility to do just that, teach. Or perhaps encourage, something rarely provided at my college. Only this year have I encountered encouragement from one or two teachers. How disappointing...
What also angers me is the fact that this is college... the way things are working around here would make anyone cringe. Ugh.
I've written 4 versions of my Media paper. At this moment I am mutating them all into one. I've had 3 english majors read over them and give their opinions. I am determined for a good grade. I'm trying so hard. This is my spilling my guts out here. I'm trying to make you see how hard I try. I am no bullshit. I am not that student who waits till midnight to begin writing. I've been writing. I've been thinking. Please, please, give me a break... I sound pathetic. But like I said, this is a very personal entry. It stems from the sadness and stress baring down on me at the end of the semester. The worries that I have overflowing in my head. The upcoming graduation(I hope.) There isn't much left for me to do, but freak out. I apologize to those who read this and find me oddly depressing or just too prissy for their tastes, but I'm being honest. If you were me, you'd feel the same.
I'll make it to the finish line. I'm just following the turtoise's style not the rabbit's... it isn't by choice though.